Even Unto Death

even unto death

It crosses my mind so often: how much are you willing to give up for the sake of love?

In the face of a great love freely and totally offered, how must I be?

Sometimes I feel like giving this life I have for You isn’t enough. And so here I am, asking You to take everything away. Nothing really matters anymore but seeing You face to face. And so permit me to toil with great joy for anything that can bring a smile to your face. I long to give you joy.

Permit me to love you with reckless abandon, no longer looking at my comfort but how I can give back everything You have so generously offered to me. Permit me to lay everything down as You did. No matter how difficult the road to You may be, for as long as the end would be You, and for as long as I have You here holding my hand, permit me to run towards You.

Sometimes I find Your glory and beauty so blinding, it shakes me to the core. I cannot help but proclaim it only to always fall short for there will never be any word in any human language than can describe who You are. I would always look back and look at what I have and what there is before me, extending my hope to even what I cannot see but was promised by You and I would feel my heart pause. I would feel my breathing stop, my world stilled in awe, wanting to stay in the moment. All I desire is to revel in the moment. Can I always stay just like that? Can we fast forward this life to that moment when I can just gaze at You, hold You, embrace You, reach You to the point of burning with a love that will consume me and nothing will be left of me but You?

I love You. Even those words are not enough for me to express how much I do. Because You loved me first. And whenever I see the cross, whenever I would look at You as I kneel in adoration, whenever I would see You in my neighbor, my heart cannot help but exclaim to no end: I love You.

The pain, often times, is just so hard to bear. When can I finally be with You? When will this earthly sojourn end? But as I continue to ask and as I continue to pine for You, I ask that You send me out more. Send me out to where I can see a momentarily glimpse of Your face: to my neighbor, You once said. That would be enough, I guess? Not really enough because for as long as my heart isn’t completely one with Yours I will always be left wanting. But whatever is close in this life that will me lead me to You, just do.

And when that day will come when You call me home, when that day will come when the hunger and thirst for you shall cease, when my lifetime hope will be fulfilled, when I hear You audibly say, “You have done well, my Love. Come with me to infinity,” my heart will be stilled and at the same time explode with a love that knows no end.

But for now, allow me to ask: please use me unto death. Please use my days and exhaust all of me. I desire nothing else but that. I desire nothing else but Your love and grace. With my every breath, with everything I have, lead me to You even unto death.




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